when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
