All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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