Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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