operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
COCAINE IS GR8
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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