i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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