literally had 100 drinks last night.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
