Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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