and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
