Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
