all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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