Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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