I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
