How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
