She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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