I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
