Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
