There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
