My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
