It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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