So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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