Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
