We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
