My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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