I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
