It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
