i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Never underestimate the power of titties
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
