mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
