It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
