I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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