Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
