I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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