This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He had one of those small greek statue penises
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
