New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
this hospital has no fireball
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
