Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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