I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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