Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
