i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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