My brain says no but my pants say off.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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