How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
