She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
