i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
false alarm. still invincible.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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