I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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