Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
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