you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
