where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
