Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My feet surprised me
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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