You can't motorboat a personality
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm passing your future prison.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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