I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
