I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
