i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
