Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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