I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Randomize
