i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
